Here we go.
Since a few days I am in retreat at Wat Phra Taat Sri Chom Tongand doing a retreat wirh the most venerable Ajahn Tong Sirimangalo, my teachers teacher. When I left for some time he insisted that I write about my meditation. He spoke in Thai, which after 10 years of living in Thailand I still speak only rudimental, so chances are I misunderstood – but I am confident and positive that he said repeatedly: kian. That means ‚write‘.
With all deep love for my teachers I will try to continue to write about the struggles of one on the path of enlightenment, one being far away from the goal but one determined to never give up trying.
Please note, that with nothing I have formerly written or will write, I wish to make claims of any states which the Buddha would call superhuman states. I will try my best to report to Ajahn as precise and truthful as it is possible about the ongoing struggle and strive.
During the rainy season I went to pay my respects to Ajahn Tong. Because I knew I would not be able to attend his birthday celebration.
Commonly he never to recognise me although we have met regularly since 10 years but this time he did recognise and invited me to come to practice meditation with him after the vassa.
Time went by because all rooms were full and the I had visitors coming. So it was only in mid November that I could go to Chom Tong, in a gap of 10 days without people visiting.
There was not a single second doubt that I would go. One goes to meditate, when Ajahn tells you to, whether you like it or not.
As usually when I do a retreat, it started with pain for the first couple of days. And although I was not at all ‚in the mood‘ for a meditation retreat it all went smooth. Noting rising and falling of the abdomen, the sitting, the touching, hearing, seeing. Walking.
I had great help with translation in Phra Jo and some other monks came in to examine the meditation progress.
After 10 days, kind of in the midst of it I had to leave. Earlier I never wanted to stay long because atmosphere always had felt a bit hostile towards a Bhikkhuni. Not this time, it was just very nice and I felt warmly welcome so decision was clear to come back. Especially after Ajahn telling me to do so and as I understood it told me not to stop meditating and to write about it.
In the meantime I had a wonderful last visitor at Wat Khun Pang before leaving the place for good, Ana, who possibly dares to become a nun.