About the time-and-space-thing:
A lot of maritime pictures come up although it is long since I have been diving. Pictures of a little fish in a meat eating sea anemone, with the feeling of helplessness, or a picture of the armes of an octopus slinging its tentacles around the body, pulling me backwards, holding tight, or a huge, really enormous pile of fishing nets.
Those all just pictures arising a second, ’seeing, seeing, seeing‘ – and they are gone.
The fishing nets have occurred as a suitable picture for something I could not put in words, about time, space, kamma and life’s continuum.
A net made of one fine string, each of its many many knots is one possibility in space/time on ones life continuum. All knots ate linked and one knot is one present moment. The next present moment would be any of the knots nearby, thus roaming through the net from knot to knot. Any of the knots is potentially possible. Since the mind is untamed one jumps in any direction unpredictably. Beginning is a knot, ending is a knot. Nibbana is exit from the pile.
Mingled into the net are entirely or partly other nets, sometimes so intertwined that it is very difficult to untangle the tangle. Just as our relations with other people.
Which brings me back to thinking what to do… Starting determination without the teacher telling me to do so. Which I would find very rude, to say the least – but I could be done with the retreat on the 26th and just leave, as the nun wants me to.
Or, I wait what the teacher says and thereby risk, that I have to leave without doing a determination in this course or to be told to move out while determination.
Nonono, I will not sit and ponder over it, I will just continue to meditate and see tonight how it goes.